Surviving the Fire – When “Surviving” Is All You Got!

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It has been nearly two years since my last entry. I have attempted to write on many occasions but the words to write continued to elude me. 

“What happened?”, you may wonder. 

Well…I found myself in the middle of another fire. 

No, my house did not burn down again…

…this fire was far more painful than the fire I experienced when I did lose my home – a deep emotional pain.

I was in the middle of an abusive marriage. 

For nearly two years I struggled and fought for a marriage that was doomed from the beginning, finding myself constantly in unending turmoil in hopes that things would change and workout out. 

I found myself too exhausted to keep up with my exercise routine; 

I could barely focus on my work;

Growing my business was a greater challenge…

 

…and I fell into survival mode. 

 

I had to take my focus off the things that weren’t pressing so I could put my energy and focus on the most important things at hand…and that meant my blog was pushed aside for some time. 

Have you found yourself in survival mode? 

 

It is okay to go into survival mode for a time…don’t let yourself stay there.

Sometimes survival mode is necessary before moving forward. 

When you feel yourself falling into survival mode, follow these steps: 

  1. Take a step back away from the situation. 
  2. Simplify – determine what is most important, focus on that and set the rest aside. 
  3. Reassess the situation and determine what’s best for you – should you work through it or walk away? (Make a decision and act.)
  4. Move forward and proceed with caution, taking it one step at a time. 

After a tough fight, I finally decided to let go and let the marriage end because abuse was NOT what was best for me. 

I am now moving forward…

One step at a time!

 

…and growing a new life for myself and my children, just like a seed with new sprouts that grows into a beautiful plant in the springtime. 

 

 

 

My Journey

My family - We survived!
My beautiful, thriving family!

 

My journey has been a long, difficult road, but worth every moment.

Since I was a young girl, I have been compassionate about helping others. All my life, people have had a tendency to look to me for guidance, advice, or simply just for a sounding board.

I find it a great honor that so many have placed their trust in me to help them in these ways. 

In college, I studied Accounting and received a Bachelor’s degree in that field. Since then, I have worked in the field of accounting and finance through many various avenues.

I enjoyed the work and especially the knowledge I have gained, but I just didn’t feel fulfilled because I wasn’t doing what my heart was truly compassionate about – helping others better themselves and improve their lives.

For the past several years I had searched and tried many new things, some I enjoyed more than others, but nothing that truly felt satisfying.

Nearly three years ago I found out about Life Coaching. Although coaching has been around for several years, I hadn’t heard of it until then – but as soon as I did, I knew it was just what I had been searching for.

I went through several months and hours of training, obtained my certification to be a Life Coach, and started my own side practice while still working full time. Soon after all the hard work I put into creating my business, my four children and I lost our home (May 2014), family pets, and much of our belongings to a house fire; my world seemed as it had turned upside down. Life was chaotic and it was difficult to get my life back in order while managing to keep up with the hectic schedule I had already been living. I didn’t believe I could continue to build my business and my dreams seemed nothing more than just that…a dream.

Fortunately, because I have had many struggles throughout my life and have learned to bounce back quickly by finding the positive in my circumstances, I was able to do likewise when I lost my home.

Less than two months later, while working with my own Life Coach, I realized I could use my situation as a symbol of the trials we all go through in our lives, so I decided I would incorporate my experience into my message to help others; I then moved forward with my business – this time with a new-found purpose.

That is when I started ‘Surviving the Fire’. 

 

Well…I could end there, but that’s not the end!

 

You see, life is about growth and progression. When we reach a goal, we don’t stop – we make another goal and we stretch ourselves further.

So I stretched further…

I joined up with a group of authors and co-authored #Love – A New Generation of Hope which became an International Best Seller in less than 24 hours!

But I didn’t stop there…

I went through a training program to become certified as a coach, speaker, and trainer with John Maxwell – an internationally recognized expert on leadership.

I merged my Life Coaching certifications and my John Maxwell certifications, partnered with my best friend who recently became my husband, Jeremy Rogers, and together we created LIFE Leaders International, Inc. where we seek to develop LIFE Leaders  (individuals who desire to make an impact in the world through Learning to Influence, Fellowship, and Empower others).

That’s right, I have married my sweetheart, my best friend, my partner. 

Yes, my journey has been a long difficult road, but worth every moment. 

Through each challenge I have faced, I have learned something more – more patience, more strength, more courage, more understanding, more success…and the rewards that followed were definitely worth it!

 

…and so my journey continues….

Married to my best friend
Married to my best friend

 

When Life Throws You Lemons, Make Lemonade!

Catherine White Lemons
When life throws you lemons, make lemonade…

You have probably heard this saying many times. It tends to be thrown around a lot – so much that you are probably either laughing to yourself thinking, “Whoever came up with that line was on something”, or…
 
…you are just plain sick and tired of hearing it (especially if you are currently struggling with something you just don’t know how to get past).
 
Life is constantly throwing us lemons. Sometimes, those lemons are flat out CHUCKED at us in large quantities or sizes!
 
So what do we do when life hurls lemons at us? We make lemonade of course…
 
But how?
 
How do we take the bitterness in our life and turn it into something sweet and refreshing like lemonade?
 
I recall a post I made on Facebook a few years back; I wrote “…makin’ lemonade with the lemons life has thrown me.”
 
Upon realizing the date of my post (May 25, 2010) it dawned on me, the irony that I wrote this four years prior (almost to the exact date) to my home burning down on May 24, 2014.
 
Let me tell you…there was a lot of lemonade to be made with the lemons that followed! 
 
The good news is, the bigger the lemons are that we are thrown, the more sweet, refreshing lemonade we can make.
 
Ok – so now I know you think I’M the crazy one. That’s fine, but before you call me a lunatic, let me explain.
 
The moment I woke to my home in flames, my life instantly changed.
 
As my children and I suddenly became homeless, great chaos struck our lives.
 
Many people didn’t see the turmoil I went through because I appeared to be strong on the outside as I did what I needed to keep my family safe and provide for their needs, but as the reality of what happened sank in, I began to feel the true weight of our trial.
 
I broke down into tears many times…
 
I experienced moments of frustration and hopelessness…
 
Getting my life back in order was a great challenge.
 
There was so much to do to keep up with working a full time job, finding a new home for my family, getting moved (not once but twice), sorting through the remains of the fire to find what we could salvage, and cleaning soot from the items we did keep…all this while keeping up with the needs of my children and the many other responsibilities of my already busy life.
 
The business I had been working so hard to develop seemed like a dream of the past that I would never see come true because I just had too much on my plate! 
 
It was too much to keep everything together…but I WOULD NOT accept the alternative!
 
I refused to let those lemons knock me down!
 
What did I do with those lemons? Why…I made sweet, refreshing lemonade…of course!
 
How I made my lemonade…
 
  • I worked with a life coach to help clear my mind of the chaos (that’s right, even a coach needs a coach).
  • I used my best friend for a shoulder to cry on.
  • I asked myself questions such as, “What can I learn from this situation?” “How can I use my experience to help someone else?” “How can I make the best use of my time?”
  • I continued to work on my spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being – and when I would begin to fall backward, I would push myself forward again.
  • Instead of letting my experience destroy my dream of being a life coach and an entrepreneur, I used my experience to build my dream!
 
… and I squeezed one lemon at a time.
 
 
In a nutshell…I survived my fire and…

 made lots of lemonade!

 
 Catherine White Lemonade
 
 

Turning a Negative Situation into Something Positive

I got up early this morning with the intent to exercise.

I was just about to get on the treadmill when I realized no one took out the trash last night for today’s garbage pick-up, so I headed out to run the trash can up to the street. I then came back, grabbed the recycling bins and headed out the front door which is rarely used.

 Having just woken, my brain was not functioning fully. After I had set the bins out, I walked back to the house.

 I couldn’t get in!

 

I was faced with the reality that I had just locked myself out.

 The knob to the front door turns from the inside while locked and I failed to make sure it was unlocked before I closed it behind me.

 I was locked out of my own home at 5:45 a.m. without a cell phone to call for help. It was a cool winter morning (luckily the temperature was not at freezing levels), dark, and more than 30 minutes before the alarm clocks were to go off to wake the children for school, and they often sleep through the alarms.

 What was I going to do???

 

I thought of all the windows around the house and wondered which one would be the easiest to break into. “No”, I told myself, “that isn’t an option.”

I did not want to break any windows that could be costly to repair, and I didn’t want to cause any damage that would make it easy for a burglar to break in.  

 “Do I bang on my 16 year-old son’s window? He will sleep through most anything – what are the chances he would wake up?”

 “Do I even have the heart to wake up my tired children so soon before they need to be up?”

 “Do I want to bang on a window and frighten them into thinking someone was breaking in? How long would it take them to recover from the fright?”

 

I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

 

 I was disappointed that I was missing my workout, UNTIL…

I realized I didn’t have to miss my workout – I could run outside.

(Duh – right?) 

Well, the problem with that was that running around in an unfamiliar neighborhood in the dark during the wee hours of the morning was not a comforting thought, SO…

 I ran up and down and up and down my driveway several times, breathing in the refreshing, brisk, morning air.

 I did some push-ups against the rear bumper of my van.

 Then ran up and down and up and down my driveway several more times.

 Finally…

 

I saw the kitchen door open as the cat ran outside.

 My oldest son was up! Hallelujah!

 I ran to the door, thanking him!

 

 There are many times in life when things don’t work out the way we want them to or something unexpected happens.

 

No matter the circumstance, I have learned, there is something positive to be found through the situation.

 

I Found My Happy Place

Catherine M White Allen's House
My New Home – My New Happy Place

I signed for the closing of the purchase of my first home on October 24th. My children and I were fully moved in on the first of November. 

It’s ironic – after the fire, six of us were crowded in a tiny two bedroom home. By the time I moved, both my sister and my daughter, who recently turned 18, had decided to go their own way. 

Now we have a more spacious home with only my three boys and myself. I am in Heaven with all this room to move!

It has felt so wonderful to have a place of my own with plenty of space for my family. 

But it really hit me in the wee hours of Saturday morning a couple of weeks ago. 

Catherine M White Allen's housewarming
My friend preparing an after midnight breakfast for my housewarming party.

I had gone dancing – my favorite extra-curricular activity but something I have not done much of this past year – with my sweetheart, Jeremy. 

Following dancing, a friend of mine hosted a midnight housewarming breakfast in my home. 

My living room and kitchen were packed with about 30 people sharing food and laughter. 

As I sat on the wood floor in my living room with my sweetheart, observing the friends surrounding me, I was struck with euphoria.

I turned to Jeremy and said, “I have my happy place again.” 

Catherine M White Allen's Housewarming Breakfast
My housewarming breakfast party – Where I found my happy place

The following week, a dear friend came and stayed for a night – my home had been like a second home to her over the past couple of years as she would stay there during her many travels from outside the U.S.

She hadn’t used my home as her grounding place since my last house burned down. 

I was so excited to have her back!

Furthermore, because of the space I have to share once again, I was also able to provide a place for my sister and her four children to sleep for a few days while she visited her in-laws over Thanksgiving. 

And yes, Thanksgiving! I had a peaceful gathering with friends over a delicious Thanksgiving dinner.

I certainly have much to be thankful for this year!

 

Catherine M White Allen's housewarming
My wonderful Thanksgiving guests!

 

 

Memories Live On

Demolition of Catherine White Allen's burned house
Demolition of the remains of the burned house – From House to Rubble

Last night, my children and I stood and watched the demolition of the final remains of our home that had been destroyed in the fire.

My throat grew tight as I choked  back the tears that threatened to invade my eyes.

Though we were only renters and not owners of the property, we had a strong connection to the house as we had moved into it during a time of many changes for my family.

Several memories were created there.

 When we decided to move there, I had been looking for a change, a new job opportunity, and a chance to save a marriage that had barely begun yet was on the verge of divorce.

I married at the end of 2010 and lived three hours from my husband. We lived in separate towns when we met. My children were in the middle of the school year and my husband was getting close to finishing his master’s degree.

We had agreed that the children and I would stay in our home until the end of the school year and we would visit my husband on the weekends. We would then move to be together when school was out.

I didn’t mind the travel and we were both busy during the week anyway, so being apart during the week didn’t seem to be a problem…

…until my husband informed me barely five to six weeks into the marriage that he wanted a divorce.

I was crushed!

 

My marriage had felt to me like a fairy tale that had abruptly shattered into pieces.

I quickly sought out counseling and decided it was time to move closer to my husband.

Within a few months, I found a new job and was offered a home not far from him.

It was nothing short of a miracle how everything came together so fast.

The divorce went through in December 2011 but I never regretted moving to our new home.  

The home was like nothing I had ever lived in and I was in disbelief that I, a single mother with limited income, could live in such a place.

The home itself was not very desirable to look at but we loved so much about it.

It was old and in need of a paint job and several repairs, but the house was spacious and the lot was large for city living; there was plenty of parking for friends to visit; we had several fruit trees in our yard that provided us with bountiful fruit for eating fresh, canning, and sharing with others; our neighborhood was fairly peaceful; the house was located close to a park where the children could play; we were within walking distance to the ferry and beach. 

We had an incredible view of the Puget Sound that friends envied each time they visited.

We had many gatherings of family and friends in our home.

 

Friends and children gather at my home in celebration of a good friend's birthday
Friends and children gather at my home in celebration of a dear friend’s birthday

 

We had AWESOME Halloween parties each year!

Halloween Parties at Catherine White Allen's
Annual Halloween parties we hosted at my home

 

Because of the large size of the home, we had the ability to open our doors several times over again to welcome others who needed food to eat or a place to sleep.

We shared many moments of joyous laughter and shed many tears of sorrow in that home.

 We blessed the lives of many in our spacious home overlooking the Puget Sound!

It was heartbreaking to have it all ripped away from us, but the memories will live on forever…

 

View of Puget Sound from Catherine White Allen's home
This was the amazing view of the Puget Sound from the deck just off our kitchen – Oh how we miss this view!

Gratitude Amidst the Fire

Catherine Allen's Family - All
My four children and me standing in front of the fireplace of the house that later burned

“Have we not reason to be filled with gratitude, regardless of the circumstances in which we find ourselves?”  (Dieter F. Uchtdorf)

Although waking to my home in flames was a frightening experience, it was gratitude that I felt most as I stood that morning watching my home being destroyed.

Catherine Allen's boys playing
My two youngest boys playing at their toy table – this is what it looked like before the fire

I wasn’t thinking about toys, photographs, videos, furniture and other items that would be lost.

 I wasn’t worrying that my family was suddenly homeless.

 I was thinking of how grateful I was that I had woken before the fire traveled down to where my children were asleep. 

Catherine Allen's toy table
This is what the toy table looked like after the fire

I wondered to myself, “If I had’t woken up, would my boys have woken in time to escape?” I questioned whether they would have gotten out safely or if they would have been too panicked to know what to do.

 I was thinking of how grateful I was that, despite my feelings of shock, I was able to think clearly and methodically to get my children out safely.

I was thinking of how grateful I was that both my daughter and sister, who had bedrooms upstairs close to where the fire ignited, were out of town that morning.

Catherine Allen and sister
My sister, Joy, and me

Although the flames were extinguished just before reaching their bedrooms, their rooms were immersed in smoke and soot. I questioned, “If they had been there, would they have been able to escape through the smoke and the heat?” I  asked myself, “Would they have even woken, or would they have been suffocated by the smoke just as the birds had been?”

The thoughts of what “could have” happened were horrifying, but I chose to focus on the blessings for what was most important – my family was safe!

 

The Nightmare

Catherine Allen's house on fire
My house on fire… on the news!

After the fire crew arrived and began their scurry to put out the fire, I made a phone call to my best friend – the man I am dating.

Though he lived only minutes away, it seemed forever before he appeared as I kept watch for him.

Finally, I spotted him running down the long driveway (he had to park a couple blocks away due to the myriad of fire trucks and police cars blocking the street)…

I rushed toward him and was immediately engulfed in a hug.

Catherine Allen and her sweetheart Jeremy
My Sweetheart, Jeremy, and Me

We stood for a while and watched the flames spread as the crew worked diligently to contain the fire – all the while, not a tear did I shed; I couldn’t; everything just seemed so surreal – like one of those awful dreams I couldn’t wake up from; a horrible nightmare that I could not escape.

 

The thoughts that engulfed my mind (knowing my family was safe) were thoughts of my 17 year-old daughter’s birds – a Lovebird and a Conure – which she adored as though they were her children; she had a deep connection with them and I knew if something happened to them she would be devastated.

Catherine Allen's daughter with her bird
My daughter with her bird Karma

Several times over again I pleaded for the firemen to go in and get the birds, but their only concern was to put out the fire.

By the time the fire was finally out, one of the crew members went in briefly, only to return with a confirmation of what I feared…the birds were gone.

Though the fire itself did not reach them, they were unable to survive the smoke. How was I going to break the news to my daughter?

It was Memorial weekend and she was staying at a friend’s house.

 

She had planned to attend a festival in Seattle for her first time and had been looking forward to the event with excitement…I had to make the phone call that would shatter her heart.

Catherine Allen's birds
My daughter’s birds Chaos and Karma

 

The Fire

My oldest boy (age 15) was quick to get out of bed – something unusual for him.

The flames inside my home
The flames inside my home

He woke the eight year old while I woke the six year old. As they all got out of bed, I began to head up the stairs to grab my daughter’s birds, when about half-way up a feeling came to me that I shouldn’t go upstairs, but instead needed to get the children out immediately.

I turned back down the stairs.

I thought to grab my shoes, but knew I may not be able to quickly find shoes for the younger boys as they have a tendency to leave them in various areas of the house when they remove them from their feet.

I decided it would be better to have them leave without shoes than to go on a shoe hunt; therefore, I chose to go without shoes as well so that I was in a similar disposition as the children would be.

I grabbed a blanket off each of the younger boys’ beds to wrap around them and help keep them warm while we were outside.

As the 15 and 6 year olds headed out the sliding glass door of my bedroom, the oldest boy informed me the eight year old had gone the other way – toward the main door – so I immediately ran back to grab him.

Still uncertain where the fire was, I feared he was heading toward it.

Firemen are putting out the fire
Firemen putting out the fire.

I found my eight year old boy just as he was about to enter the foyer leading to the main door and told him to go through my room; he quickly obeyed.

I followed behind, first grabbing my bathrobe, phone, purse, and a $100 bill from my dresser drawer.

As I ran out, I called 911 to report the fire.

Suddenly, I remembered my daughter’s dog was on the deck – while still on the phone, I called for him (knowing he couldn’t get down on his own, but wanting to see that he was okay).

As I came around to the front of the house, I finally saw where the fire was; the side of the house opposite my bedroom was engulfed in flames that were reaching across the deck and into our family room.

Catherine Allen's dog Bandit
Our family dog Bandit

The dog was standing at the far end of the deck, away from the flames, waiting. I then noticed my oldest son heading toward the shed at the end of the deck where he intended to climb up and help the dog down.

Before he reached the shed, the neighbor from two houses down came running over with a ladder.

As I felt confident the dog would be safe, I rushed the six and eight year olds to the neighbor’s yard, then I hurried back to our house and moved the car over to the neighbor’s driveway – to make sure there wouldn’t be any damage to the vehicle if there were any explosions.

After rescuing the dog, we were able to place him in the neighbor’s backyard where they kept their own dogs, and then the three boys and I sat and watched the flames from the neighbor’s driveway, in complete disbelief at what was happening, waiting for the fire crew to arrive.

Get out of the House – It’s on Fire!

It was about 15 minutes to 5:00 a.m… 

(Saturday, May 24, 2014 – Memorial Day Weekend)

I awoke, as I often do, for what seemed to be no apparent reason – but this time was different; THIS time was life changing.

I heard a faint beeping and contemplated where it was coming from.

My first thought was that it was coming from outside, perhaps the distant beeping sound from construction machines notifying all passer-byers to use caution as the equipment was being driven in reverse.

Then suddenly, the thought entered my mind, “Smoke Alarm!”

I bolted out of my bed, leaving it in disarray.

I ran toward the stairs to find out what was going on.

As I got halfway up, I noticed the smoke billowing toward me.

I didn’t know where the fire was coming from, but it appeared to be in the kitchen area.

My mind began to race as I quickly thought of what to do, while at the same moment questioning myself, “Did I leave the stove burner on last night?” (realizing I didn’t use the stove for cooking dinner that night), and pondering how “this” could really be happening.

I immediately turned, headed back down the stairway and into the bedroom where my three sons were sound asleep, while yelling, “Get out of the house, it’s on fire!”

My home in flames
My home in flames

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